sure, bucket lists are great and all, but seeing a list with so many things left to be crossed off may give me a little bit of anxiety. so instead of making a list of all of the things i’ve yet to do (become president, visit every country, or even vacuum the rug in my dorm), i’m going to focus on devising an anti-bucket list. here are some things that i will NEVER do:
-drink water from the dead sea
-wear matching couple t-shirts in Disney
-be in a commercial for erectile dysfunction
-read “how to succeed in business without a penis” (cringe)
-spread ketchup all over my french fries
-get a tramp stamp
-un-ironically listen to “its everyday bro”
-spend the day with russ
-go on a diet
-drink a cement mixer (baileys & lime juice shots together)
-wear matching socks
-become a porn star
-take anyone’s offer to be my sugar daddy
-eat a carolina reaper
-visit north korea
there ya have it, folks. consider these things checked off the list.
