i started crying in yoga last week. yes, crying. not tears of sadness, but of joy.
i’m sure you haven’t noticed, but i’ve never posted anything about body positivity. i kept telling myself that it was because i didn’t want to sound cliche or basic, but deep down i knew that that wasn’t it. it was because i had no idea what it was or how to get it.
not too long ago, i was in my feels (which has been happening a lot lately… weird) & i wrote down everything i was thinking (swipe to read it). as you can tell, these thoughts are pretty dang destructive, mentally. & these things were almost always on my mind.
i tend to put on this persona that i’m always happy. dont get me wrong. life really is fantastic and i usually am happy. not lying to you there. but there are often these demons running through my head telling me that i’m not enough. i would try starving myself & beat myself up for eating a big dinner or taking a day off of yoga. i spent so much time hating what i wasn’t doing that i didn’t have the chance to be proud of all that i had accomplished. honestly, i probably should have seen a counselor, now that i think about it. & it is really hard for me to admit, but i wasn’t mentally healthy.
but yanno what…. frick that. i decided, during this yoga class, that it’s all changing. my teacher really didn’t even say anything to make me change my entire outlook, it was me. i set the intention to accept where i am now and, in class, i refused to let myself get frustrated when i fell out of a balance or couldn’t hold a pose. & let me tell you. i have never felt more free in my life. it was the most overwhelming feeling i have ever experienced. since this class, i have made a conscious effort to not be so hard on myself. i’m already happier, even though i know i have a long way to go.
so, if you have ever felt like I have & i know A LOT of you have, just know that you are the only one that can change the way you see yourself. i know its going to be a long, hard road, but if we keep trying and taking little strides every day, we can do this. when we do… i am confident that our lives will change for the better.
