i am. still friends

someone reached out to me over dm asking for some relationship advice. she recently broke up with her boyfriend and felt as if she lost a best friend along with it. i think that anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship can relate to this. i know i sure can.

for some reason, i’ve been lucky enough to stay friends with my exes. but don’t get me wrong, we didn’t just break up one day and become bffs the next, it took a while. yet, because the person was important to me, i didn’t want to just say “thank you, next.”

here is my advice for staying friends after a breakup (caveat: some relationships are better left in the rearview mirror):
1.right after the breakup, give him some space. not seeing or talking to him will help both of you clear your minds & see why you’re better off as just friends.
2.DO NOT talk trash about your ex. you may not have initiated the break up & your ego is bruised, but trash talking only makes you look petty and it’s hard to go from “you‘re a puppy hating thot” to best buddies.
3.when you feel the time is right, offer to reconnect. do something casual.
4.if your ex says he’s moved on, try not to get discouraged. the best advice i can give is to not let your emotions get the best of you. ya, it might be a shock, but he may just need more time. OR he doesn’t want to cause problems with a new relationship (gotta respect the new gf/bf. if you really do want to be friends the new boo needs to know that your not a threat).
5.try to rebuild the friendship. start seeing each other more often, if possible, but just remember that if you start to catch feelings or get jealous, you may need to take a step back.

ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you, because NOTHING is more complicated than love. & remember, no one knows your relationship better than the two of you, so dont think too heavily about advice from friends. having said that haha….. if there is anything you want to talk about (maybe you’ve recently become creepily obsessed with every hostess you see and its ruining your life) i’m always here for you (:

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