i am. terrified

i’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost five months now. we see each other every. single. day. until now, i was more than content with this.

last weekend, i was at my friends’ 21st birthday party. i invited my boyfriend because, like i said, i saw him every day. (we were becoming one of those couples. i know. but it’s hard to justify not seeing him when we live in the same building, okay!?) everything was fine at the pregame, but when we went to the club, shiz hit the fan.

we stood outside, in line, & it was cold! so my boyfriend kept rubbing my shoulders, trying to warm me up. i’m aware that this is super sweet, but i was tired, hungry, and irritated, which equates to not wanting to be touched. i kept moving away slightly, hoping he would get the hint. when he didn’t, i finally told him (nicely!) that i didn’t want to be touched. this ended up in an argument in front of my friends at some weird club in detroit.

we decided that we needed to not see each other for a couple of days to figure our shiz out. i am used to being alone &, frankly, i like it that way. when i picture my future, i don’t picture being tied down to anything. no kids, no house, no job that requires me going to an office, just me and the ability to do what i want, when i want (& my boyfriend can come along when he wants to). and this suffocation that the two of us felt scared both of us.

so we took a break. i wanted to know that we can go a week without seeing eachother and still be okay. & it turns out we can. its made me realize that if i leave to go on a trip for a month, i’ll come back and all will be fine.

when you have a great relationship with someone, time apart won’t break anything. and that is one of the most freeing realizations i’ve ever had.