i look back at my story highlights often. they remind me of my trips to california, europe, the carolinas, chicago, new york and all of the tomfoolery that happened during the past few years. but when i look back and see a picture of myself from two years ago, the plesant bittersweet emotion that i had previously been consumed in changes to disappointment and envy. i look and see a thin, beautiful girl with long blonde hair, clear skin, fashionable clothes, pronounced jaw, cheek and collar bones, and sparkling teeth. but when i look in the mirror today, at the same girl, i don’t see those same things. i glowed down.
trying to talk myself out of this rut, i think about what i went through in the past. that girl that used to attract attention and get boys to swoon over her, what was her behind the scenes life like? i remember lonely nights, hypoglycemic attacks from refusing food, HAVING to work out at least once a day, feeling like a failure when i was anything but perfect.
when i wasn’t traveling or living a picture perfect instagram life, i was miserable.
but here i am now, looking in the mirror at a girl who is 2 years older. 20lbs heavier. doesn’t wear makeup. has short hair. gets the occasional zit (i currently have a third eye that’s been hanging around for so long that i might even give him a name). wears bellbottoms and baggy tshirts. works out occasionally. isn’t afraid of beer or dessert. doesn’t have boys sliding into her dms. doesn’t do it for the ‘gram. but is more herself.
when i look back at those pictures of my past self, i will try not to be jealous of her, but rather feel happy that i am no longer her. i wonder if this is what miley cyrus went through when she took a 180. different, less desirable by traditional society, but happier.
