I’ve always hated those people who become carbon copies of their significant other. Who lose their personal identity to become what they think the other person wants them to be. Yet, when I told my boyfriend that he needed to teach me everything about sports, something I don’t have any background in and am not sure I care all that much about, I realized that I am that person that I hate. & I always have been.
When I get really close to someone I become obsessed with what they care about. Explaining why I have a small bit of knowledge on weird unrelated subjects like coffee, hockey, doing wheelies, the Balkan region, Italian baked goods, etc..
What I’m certainly not saying is that you shouldn’t make an effort to find interest in what your significant other cares about. DO THAT. But what I am saying, is that it shouldn’t be one sided. When my boyfriend told me that he wanted me to teach him things too, I realized how little I was sharing about my own interests. & how much of me was lost by becoming the person I’m dating.
I went spiraling. unable to sleep. Pondering what it is that I cared about. What I bring to a relationship. What makes me, me? And what of those things do I want him to be slightly interested in.
I think it was my lack of confidence mixed with intimidation of my boyfriend and his family being wildly put together and successful, but for over a day I couldn’t come up with an answer. Eventually, some things surfaced. I am a book work. I am a writer. I am a bomb euchre player. I am spontaneous. I am well traveled. I am a good listener. I am willing to try just about everything. I am in touch with my emotions. I am clumsy. I am awful at spelling. I am a hot mess (often). But I am me. & I need to quit worrying about becoming someone I’m not in order to get love. If I want someone to love every part of me, I need to embrace every part of me.
