I have a very open family, so when my mom and I talked for a half an hour about past sexual experiences at dinner yesterday, it wasn’t all that out of the ordinary.
Call me old fashioned, but I’m not typically someone who will kiss on a first date, let alone have sex with someone. My mom always raised me on the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” (aka. why date me when you’re already getting what you want: sex), that’s why the few times I have gone all the way shortly after meeting someone it was a little out of character. Leading me to wonder, why?
After talking to my mom (& reflecting on an episode of the bold type) I realized a common theme among these situations. I felt like I needed to. Like it was easier to do it than argue.
I remember once I had a guy over to my apartment to do homework after knowing him for about a week. We ended up kissing, and between moments of locked lips he told me that he gets pissed off when girls are “teases” and will kiss but not go all the way. That left me to be either a tease or to do something that I didn’t really want to do. The result was the latter.
This happens to women all of the time. Women (& I’m sure occasionally men) get talked into going past their point of comfort with sexual activities. This has caused me to dislike sex for most of my life. To dread it, really. But I learned to fake enjoyment. Which, now that I’m thinking about it, is anything but okay.
Growing up I’ve always thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting to have sex. I’ve asked a doctor, I’ve done research, I’ve asked friends, I’ve cried, I’ve been completely and utterly helpless.
My mom told me that she felt the same way for most of her life as well. Like she could have been anyone.
Her advice: wait for the one who wants YOU and not just any BODY.
For the person who wants you to enjoy it just as much as they do. Until you find that, be strong, stick up for yourself and don’t get talked into any thing you don’t want to do. Easier said than done, especially considering all of society is screaming “ONE NIGHT STANDS ARE EMPOWERING!” Let me say, I feel anything but empowered.
