i am. in flux
for 15 years, i spent more time at a dance studio than my own house. i loved it for a long time (cue McDonalds theme song), but a number of factors contributed to me losing interest and for years i didn’t realize it. dance defined me. it made me who i am, and i didn’t think i would ever be able to live without it. my mom pointed out to me, one day, that i no longer looked happy when i came home and that i was always trying to find an excuse to skip. towards the end of my dance career i had several panic attacks, cried at least five times, and my face broke out like crazy. (wow, this page is making me sound like a cry baby, i swear that’s not the case) i was miserable. dance was no longer something i wanted to spend my time doing, but i had done it for so long i was blinded to the negative effects it produced. i waited until the end of the season, then i made the terrifying decision to quit. and i haven’t turned back. (in terms of the office, it was kinda like when Michael Scott broke up with Jan after long consultation from the female workers. i was Michael, dance was Jan) it was like a weight was lifted. at first, it was weird not constantly having something to do, but after some time i learned to make the most of every second. if it weren’t for this change, i wouldn’t have been able to go on so many trips, i wouldn’t have signed a contract with a modeling agency, i wouldn’t have met as many new people, and i for sure wouldn’t have had time to make this blog. there have been other occasions when i knew i had to modify a part of my life. even though i was anxious each time, the outcome was always positive.
why continue doing something that makes you miserable? If a job, where you live, an unhealthy relationship, or anything else doesn’t make you as happy as Kanye makes Kanye, then fix it. i know, easier said than done, but i believe that at some level, we know when we need to make a change. often times, though, we’re too afraid to make it. take my word for it, in the end it will all work out even if you dont see it immediately! plus, if you dont mix it up every now and then, how will you ever know what you’re missing?
