well, i consider myself recovered. but recovery never really ends.
every day is a choice. some days, the voice of my eating disorder is no more than the faintest whisper. other days, it screams and screams, waiting for me to give into it. most of the time, i don’t. i know it’s giving me misinformation.
i’ve spent so much time and effort healing my brain from all the messages of diet culture it has received: that thinner is always better, that there is a size & shape everyone can and “should” achieve, that eating certain foods would be the absolute worst thing i could do. i have had to recondition how i think.
it’s hard. as a society, those messages are still ever present. but i have to ignore them. i know what life was like when i succumbed to them. i know what life is like now when i overcame them. and i know which life is infinitely better.
throughout my recovery, i transformed; i evolved from a translucent frail shell of a girl on a hospital bed, who never socialized and was always miserable, anxious about food, to a strong woman, full of life and joy, who has passions and strong friendships and knows food can’t control her anymore. recovering is the hardest thing i’ve ever done, but it is also the most important thing i’ve ever done. my goal is to help others complete this transformation, too, which is why i am becoming a registered dietitian.
i have rediscovered the joys of life, and what is truly important. fighting back against the disorder that lives in the back of my mind can still be challenging, but i know it’s worth it. this life on the other side is worth it. everyone deserves this food freedom & body liberation, and i’m going to help them get there.
