i got rejected from my dream job today. so naturally, after crying in the shower, i called my best friend, zoie. i told her that i feel inferior. i go to this prestigious university, but that also means that all of the students are mad genius. i was one of the smartest kids in my high school (not a flex, it wasn’t that competitive), and now i feel like i can’t keep up. my grades are no where near ideal, & i can’t get an internship to save my life. (although besides the one i just got rejected from i don’t really want one. but everyone else is getting them, so i applied to some anyway – i’m telling you, THE PRESSURE).
i don’t even mind the school grind. i knew what i was getting myself into when i moved here. what i can’t stand, though, is that i used to have one thing that i enjoyed doing every day. whether that was reading a book or blogging or going for a walk. now, its a luxury to be able to do that once a week. so as much as i want to pretend that me considering to drop out of school is a joke, it isn’t.
zoie told me that she feels the same way and that she started working twice as often. “i guess this is the whole ‘adulting’ thing people talk about,” she told me. & sure, she’s probably right, but if this crap is what the rest of my life looks like… i’m doomed. there has to be another form of adulting besides working 24/7 at something you aren’t that passionate about. & i gotta figure out what that is STAT!
my yoga teacher ends every class by saying “appreciate this moment, because this moment is your life,” & every time she says that, my heart drops. like gosh dang it sandra! why you gotta remind me that my life is boring right now and that i’m wasting it with meaningless bulls***!?!?
so ya. this is where i’m at. i feel like the least intelligent person in the room 99% of the time, i am constantly rejected from any job i’m actually interested in, and i find minimal enjoyment in any day to day activity.
hows your sunday?
