no one ever tells you how awful it feels to lose a friend because you don’t share the same feelings. i started my friday crying in the shower, after waking up to some pretty terrible text messages. the gist was that i was fake and led this guy on. unfortunately, he isn’t the first pissed off guy that has accused me of this.
i learned, early on, that the only way to grow and change is to take responsibility for my part of the problem. in the case of the friday text guy, i could easily see where i screwed up. after months of calling this guy my friend and treating him like all of my other friends, i had a few too many to drink and kissed him. big mistake! the 6 months i spent trying to convince him that we were just friends went down the toilet. i apologized, profusely, & reiterated that i just didn’t feel the way he wanted me to feel. but i understand and accept his anger. what i don’t understand is why he can’t forgive me and accept the role he played in all of this. maybe it’s just too soon?
while this case is unique because my drunken self kissed him, it is the same as every other case in that my attempt to be just friends has failed & it sucks. i am afraid to start a friendship with a guy for fear that he may catch feelings that i don’t reciprocate and i’ll lose yet another friend.
maybe you guys can help. aside from telling me not to kiss the guy (i know, i know, i figured this one out on my own), what can i say or do to let a guy know that i want to be just friends? i’ve tried treating them like my other friends, referring to them as such, & making it clear to others that i’m only interested in a friendship with him. yet, i always end up the bad guy. (s/o to the one guy who remained my friend! i appreciate you).
at this moment, and as always, i am sitting in my room listening to sad music, replaying every moment through my head. thinking up dozens of “what if” scenarios and trying to figure out what i could have done to make things end differently. i wanted our friendship to work out, and i honestly believed that it could. but maybe this time i’ll just have to take the L.
